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The Sacred Romance: Relationships versus Rules

If I’ve blogged about this before, it’s because it’s a message that desperately needs to resonate in the Christian church.

When I served as best man for my friend Bob’s wedding, he gave me as a gift the book The Sacred Romance: Drawing Closer to the Heart of God by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. I started reading it, but life got in the way.

Pathetic excuse, indeed.

I regret not having read it sooner. Do I ever!

I know I will offend some I’ve known in Independent Fundamental Baptist Churches, but as I’ve started reading this book again, even before I delve deeply into the book, it is clear to me that in much of Christianity we really are thinking backwards regarding our relationship with God.

Normally, when a person gets saved in the Baptist circles I’m from, they are instructed in the King James Bible and are given a list of do’s and don’t’s.

How does that saying go? “I don’t smoke, drink or chew or go with girls who do.” Furthermore, new Christians are also instructed not to go to movies and not to get tattoos. Guys are told not to wear their hair long (which, for some churches means it should be neatly tapered off the collar and off the ears) and not to wear earrings. Women are told to wear dresses, skirts or culottes, never pants and especially never shorts or skirts that show off the thighs, and to avoid wearing too much makeup (or in some cases, any). They should not work outside the home. Some churches don’t even believe women should wear fingernail polish or hair dye.

Other general convictions also apply. If music has a beat or an electric guitar, it should be avoided. And, for God’s sake, do not listen to Contemporary Christian Music. (I remember how some ministers would refer to Michael W. Smith as “Michael W. Smut” and Amy Grant as “Amy Grunt”). If you must have a television, it should be used only to watch Christian programs and news programs. Some are against watching professional sports due to the cheerleaders dressing immodestly.

And, for some, sex should never, ever openly be talked about. For those who do, they might even say sex is solely for procreating. Missionary position only. Lights off. No role playing. And absolutely, positively, no birth control or masturbation.

One wonderful Christian, who is no longer with us, once said: “If you don’t have convictions, come talk to me and I’ll give you some.” As well-intentioned as this might be, it is a horrible approach. It is one thing to explain to new or struggling Christians why you have certain convictions, but too often I feel they are given convictions they don’t understand and are expected to apply them to their lives. And we wonder why so many get disillusioned and leave the church; some not only leave the church, but abandon their faith altogether and embrace atheism.

This approach to Christianity, which I am convinced stems from personal preferences that magically evolve into convictions instead of developing legitimate Bible-based convictions, probably makes many think of heaven as a place where people dress in iridescent, flowing white robes as they float among the clouds and play harps. Nothing exciting ever happens.

<Yawn>

It seems to me a far better approach to Christianity is to discerningly read the Bible in context, pray for God’s guidance, get involved in your church and surround yourself with wise Christians. For me, among those wise Christians are my sisters, my friends Bob J., Howard H., Joel K. and Jeremy H. and my pastor. There are also Charlie M. and Dave R., college friends whom I will ask questions about the Bible.

Consider this verse from Proverbs 13:20: “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.”

Of course, the verse is referring to “he” and “men” as mankind in general. The same applies to both men and women and whom they choose counsel from, and it’s possible to get wise counsel from a person of either gender.

And as you read the Bible, get involved in godly activities and get wise counsel, you will start to have a more intimate relationship with God and will start seeing things from God’s perspective. From here you will develop your own godly convictions.

As I type this, here are some things about me some Christians may find objectionable: I wear a leather necklace with a cross made from horseshoe ties (which I see nothing wrong with). When I read the Bible, I often read from the New King James Version (even though I still prefer the King James Version). I also sometimes watch R-rated movies and also listen to some forms of rock music. I even like some Van Halen songs, even though there are other songs of theirs that have very unhealthy messages. I also have from time to time used profanity (I have never taken the Lord’s name in vain). Some of these things about me are very unapologetic parts of my life that I feel God is blessing me in or that God has no problem with. They are part of my Christian identity. Some, such as the movies, music and profanity, God is still working on me. I am working to eliminate the profanity from my life since I believe further usage would make me become a person I absolutely loathe.

I know many Christians are against consuming alcohol, but I do have one solid brother in Christ who does drink. However, he is a stickler about moderation. While I don’t drink (the last time I consumed alcohol was beer and vodka when I was 15, and I thought both were absolutely disgusting), I can respect someone who does so responsibly. While the Bible may not specifically condemn drinking, it is very strict regarding moderation.

As for me, unless I visit Germany where they frown upon people who don’t accept a drink, I have no plans to drink: I have an addictive personality, and people like me easily fall into alcoholism. And, frankly, I have more than enough problems in my life.

If there’s a point to this blog posting, it would be that instead of just following a set of rules, Christians need to be reading God’s Word and talking to godly Christians and asking tough questions about their faith and investigating why they believe what they believe instead of just following a crowd. To have convictions without understanding them is a recipe for an unsuccessful Christian life that will never be as profitable for yourself or for God as it should be.

Richard Zowie is going through the Bible in his Richard’s Two Shekels blog when not commenting on Christian issues or blogging about his Christian walk. He hopes by early 2011 to complete his first visit in years with all the Minor Prophets. Post comments here or drop a line to richardstwoshekels@gmail.com. 

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